Does it matter?

 

An early morning at the recently finished Bluff Point - Pine View

Training Updates

A lot of things are challenging the ride schedule this year. Some of it predictable, while others....not as much. Splitting time between the dirt and road, with road rides mainly during the early morning hours and dirt later in the evening. Keeping close stats with the Garmin tells me I have a lot of work to do and not much time to do it. I haven't developed the confidence to try and push long, extended climbs. Rather, I'm back to climbing intervals, where I am struggling to get my heart rate into the mid 160's anymore. I'm told that with my resting heart rate in the low 40's, given my age, I'm actually doing okay - but that's someone else's opinion. I need to hit it harder.

An early morning over looking Causey

Blown Opportunities

One of my longest ambitions has been to ride and complete Leadville. If you don't know what that's all about, I'll spare you the details. Lets just say I have been given the opportunity and am not able to meet the challenge. Like so many things in life, sometimes sacrifices have to be made - generally at my expense. Thinking about it makes me sick. Writing about it.........we'll, it makes me want to puke! I'm likely to never have that opportunity again and knowing that only makes it worse. Still, a couple buddies were able to get in and they are gonna ride it in two weeks. These guys are machines - studs by every sense of the word. I know they'll both finish and suspect they'll finish under the coveted 9-hour mark.

What Truly matters - after all?

I, no doubt, spend more time stewing about things that don't really matter. And believe me, I have stowed my fair share of baggage. There is a fine line between what matters and what one should simply let go into the past. After all, you are where you are now - not that you can go back and change it. Still, turning pages and closing books are not the same thing. This is the difference between experience, wisdom and knowledge. Don't confuse them with each other, but recognize their relationships. Experience is what we get along the way - whatever that way may be. Knowledge is knowing how hot something may be. Wisdom.....having felt the burn of that thing first hand. Still, living in the past gets you nowhere. Living without learning will get you burned. But when is it time to close a book versus look back and when to simply turn pages?

Atop the overlook at Mules Ear - evening ride.

Unfinished Business...that will never be resolved

 Point of Inflection

I woke up this past Monday morning, before my alarm - as usual. This time I had a very distinct recollection of exactly 40 years ago. In my mind was literally the phrase "point of inflection" - the point at which a mathematical function changes direction. The last week of July, the first week of August, 1983 was such a point. Trouble is, I didn't realize it for another two years. At that, it was more questions than answers - still largely unanswered to this very day. There is a part of me that longs for the answers, but I know I need to let it go. I mean, it truly haunts me and I don't know why. To say it was a point of inflection is an understatement. Turns out, it affected more lives than mine alone. That Monday morning last week, I set out on a ride with that on my mind. The thinking that goes on during these rides is rather deep at times - and this was certainly no exception.

What I thought only the elephants may have known

The details are still somewhat clear to me, but those over the course of about that next ten days are kind of out of sorts. The Def Leppard /Uriah Heap concert - so load my teeth hurt for a week. My brothers wedding the end of the next week was a blur, due to the pain meds I had to take. What I didn't know was the pain I had experienced was something that started a week earlier, and unknowingly was burning at my very soul. Little did I know and only to find out two years later, what I thought was known only to a couple wooden elephants, would become knowledge to total strangers. Right, it sounds cryptic and it is for good reason. The point is, sometimes in the quietest of places, these things come back to haunt me. And when I'm on a long ride, the craziest thing can bring those thoughts into my head - but only the details of which I am aware. The rest remains a qualified mystery.

Recently I have began to doubt much of my own self. Be it the events of a few years ago, last Autumn, or forty-years ago, I have more than enough to sort through.........or so it may seem. Sounds like a very long ride is in order.

Great Minds Think Alike...or so they say.

"I woke last night to the sound of thunder. How far off I sat an wondered. Started hummin' a song from 1962. Ain't it funny how the night moves?" The things that wake me at nights is rarely thunder. Matter of fact, I sleep better in the worst of weather. But those metaphorical thunder claps.....they can really get my attention. Bob said it best; "....when you haven't much to lose."  All of our Autumns are closing in. No time to wait. No time for waste. No time for haste.  It's time to move on.............

Click here for Bob Seger - Night Moves

Ride Hard!

Riding through.....

 Opportunity - when it knocks

So often we fail to make the most of our opportunities, as they present themselves. The above image was an early morning tempo-ride, on the old road bike. Mid 40 degrees when I set out that morning, and not even 60 degrees by the time I got home. Sure, these aren't the most challenging miles, but they sure can make a difference in an attitude. I track my performance with a Garmin device, giving me all the important details. Truth is, these rides may fatigue me, but my heartrate never really gets up where I'd like it to be. That takes some work.....work I'm really not doing like I should.

The other day I chose to put-off riding until the evening, thinking it would be a nice cool ride after a long hot day. Spending most of the day working on my computer, I finally decided to make a quick dash for my gear and get out the door for an hour dirt session. The image above is what greeted me, on my way out of the garage. It almost doesn't look to be real - oh, but is was very real. Having been caught on that mountain in some pretty ferocious storms, I wouldn't take the chance of being taken out by a falling tree, lightning bolt, or flying-monkey (oh, they are real). That same night, a woman was crushed by a falling tree down on an oiled pedestrian trail, while riding the Rio Grande. Not worth the chance - believe me.

By the next morning, everything was pretty dry. Although not too early, it was still cool and very humid, with the clouds still hanging on Ben Lomond Peak (shown above). I'm not sure that I saw another soul on the trail, but I also wasn't in a hurry either. Taking in all the beauty is sometimes difficult when my tongue is dragging in the dirt - working my guts out. My mountain bike skills are lacking considerably. I struggle on down-hill stuff, I should be gliding through. The trails are getting enough traffic, that there are subtle changes every day.  What use to be my hidden little secret has become a mecca for riders - from all over.  It kind of sucks. Still, I certainly haven't made the most of my opportunities when I otherwise could. 

Needing some direction

If you have been here, you'll know this shot. It is remarkable, as it looks over the broad spread of the valley. So many times I make this climb (up above to the dead-end overlook), with some crazy idea that I will receive some sort of inspiration, or direction. Well......from that very location, the only direction to go is down. Maybe about 20 minutes from rolling back into my garage at home. I think it is safe to say, we too often expect some divine source to reach down from the clouds and speak to us - as if in a Monty Python skit (stop your groveling). It doesn't work that way - at all. Putting our own darkness and uncertainty behind us is totally up to the individual. Making the most of what you have, with what you have, while you have it......well, you do the math. It's pretty simple.

Pain and Endurance Prevaileth

Make no mistake, being everything you can possibly be is not easy. Endurance comes through suffering - and cycling is largely self-induced suffering. Through our own pain, we must endure. When we perceiver, we develop hope - an internal belief in ourselves that we are more than the sum of a bunch of old and worn out parts. I can tell you from explicit personal experience, overcoming the natural tendency to not pushback is necessary for our own growth. If it's easy, don't expect a reward. If it's hard, don't expect a reward either. Rather, take comfort in knowing that you have overcome hardship and won yet another battle in the war we call life.

... Gonna reap what you sew. Click here for Eric and Joe!

Ride HARD!

Ah....the struggles

When inspiration matters

I can't image a time in my life when a little inspiration at the right time wasn't appreciated. It seems far too often that I have wandered aimlessly, only in hope of some external force coming along to push me on my course. The truth is, sometimes we can be our own inspiration - if we look deep enough. Occasionally we have to unpack enough to actually get to a few items that make us appreciate what we have and were we've been.

Teams, Cheerleaders and Solid Friends

Being part of something larger than yourself is a good thing. It kind of makes you feel.....larger than otherwise. Sure, there are times that you may feel like you don't really belong, but you are still integral to the unit. It's kind of like being a tiny moon of an otherwise much larger and significant planet. Everyone matters. The human desire to feel needed, wanted, important - never really goes away. Perhaps a willingness to seek and act may diminish, but we all have the fundamental need.

Having played team sports in my growing and early adult years, I learned how maturity and experience changes the end result. As kids playing summer baseball, it was all a lot of joking around, but building friendships that would last. By high school, a separation of the herd began. Those that are more serious, gifted and/or dedicated begin to stand out. So many times, those with natural inherent gifts become a custom to always being the best and refuse the work ethic that is otherwise required for long term success. Those ones eventually blow away in the breeze. By college, these are all guys that know their business. Early on there may be a couple that aren't as willing to sacrifice and they will also eventually disappear. The mistake regularly made is living through the assumption that these experiences mold us into something we really aren't. In my personal case, going that far introduced me to the path I needed to find, making it possible to be where I am today. I wouldn't say it made me something I already wasn't. It simply helped me find the door to becoming the engineer I have wanted to be since I was fifteen-years old.

Bus Rides

Traveling to and from games on a bus could be one of those moments you remember with either great distain, or fondness. Believe me, I had a trove of both. Our Junior year, we hard-scrabble lucky dogs that were allowed to play junior varsity, had just pounded the crap out of an opposing team - out just near the edge of nowhere. The very long bus ride home was a hoot - a lot of fun. The bus driver playing the radio loader than usual. I never realized there were so many alternate words to the popular songs of the day. That particular game, I took a pretty good hit, but was genuinely proud to be with that group of knuckle-heads. We all played at our very best and showed a lot of comradery in the process. It was hot and hard, but we played well - as a team. Individually we seemed to be at our zenith. The bus ride home was an affirmation of that much larger thing to which we all belonged. 

Cheerleaders

Our senior year we had to play a rare Saturday game - away. Away games were always tough, in that they made it hard for fans to attend. Add to that the complication of a Saturday and well....it was different. In this particular case, it required a bus ride through Sardine canyon, up over a summit and down into Cache Valley. It was a reasonably cool morning, with the Autumn colors breaking, going through the canyon. Of course school busses are not known for there hill climbing ability, so it was a slow grind up to the summit. I don't remember exactly where it was, but it seems  just on the other side of the summit, on the down-hill side when the bus driver yelled back to us - "hey, look on the right side road". And just as the bus was picking up a little steam from gravity, we blew past our devoted cheerleaders - Tammy and the gang! We only caught a glimpse, but it was so cool. They had all got out of their bus and setup on the side of the highway - cheering us on! I'll never forget that moment, as it made me realize that sometimes supporting your team isn't just about showing up. We were all in IT together - whatever IT was going to be.

Solid Friends

After forty-plus some odd years, we still stay in touch. It's not "pissing-match", or anything like that, but more an awareness of each other. We all have our own lives, struggles and successes. More so, we have all moved passed our youth and are living our lives into the future. But our past.......may be in the past, but it defined who we would later become (the better and worse). I distinctly remember my last football game played in high school and college. They both ended in very disappointing defeats, but more...they sent me on my next course. Our final high school game was also our annual rivalry. It was raining, snowing, wet, cold and very muddy. Not a single blade of grass on that entire field. In the pre-game introduction, we starters and seniors all stood shoulder to shoulder - water dripping off our facemasks, soaked to the bone, but ready to do battle. Our strong-side tackle had broken his leg the week before in a meaningless win over a non-region team - but still took the field with us in the lineup. Sure, none of us were asked who'd we like to play with, but none of us would rather be with any other group of mutts at that particular time. A lot to be said about that game; how teams come together and individuals can derail that effort alone - but that's a story for another day. Ironically, a kid I lined up against most of that game would become a teammate and friend in college. 

Worlds Apart - Somehow...So Close Still.

I have often pondered how other kids my age grew up in their own little worlds. We had it good. Over the years I have met people that grew up in completely different places, with similar stories. Somehow, we had a lot in common. Sure, not everyone had even close to the same opportunities, but along that trail, we all experienced hardship, growth, love and betrayal. A lot of what we know now, we wouldn't want to know then. The innocence of our lives would wear away into the reality of our futures. Tragedy would take many, while yet others would continue living a charmed existence. What we didn't know, or couldn't truly appreciate, is that literally every decision we'd make would eventually have consequences. I swear, I can feel every potato-chip I have ever eaten, every time I get on my bike. Many of us of disappeared, without seemingly a trace - but they are still part of us. I have become friends with a guy that grew up as our rival. We have done business for many years. Nearly two years ago he was diagnosed with Stage-4 cancer and is fighting that battle to this day. Another friend made through business over the years, just lost his sweet wife to a nine-year battle with cancer. Married for pushing 50 years, theirs is a love story. Despite a few years age difference and having grown up on opposite side of the same town, we are not too different. You see, we all stood with our peers, our friends, our confidants, believing in our dreams and facing our fears together. The fact that some of us still value those relationships, doesn't mean we haven't moved on - rather the opposite. And moved on we have - some truly awesome people in that respect. I'm proud to have my associations with you and still call you friends.

"Like a Rock"

I did a post quite some time back, referencing a Bob Seger tune, where he writes "I wish I didn't know now what I didn't know then". The summer of 1980 was transformative and the beginning of the end of what innocence was left for any of us. In '84 he wrote another ballad dealing with the inevitability of leaving the past behind. Released in '85, he stated it was his own inner reflection of how his late teen-years as the period he thought to be at his peak. Not professionally of course, but that he didn't really know the weight and burden of life and how good he had it - as did all of us. The video starts with him pulling up to a rail crossing in an old and dirty 1960 Corvette. The train stops him squarely in his path, only to begin a moment of clarity and reflection. As he sees what is a representation of our youth through the passing rail cars, he can see on the other side glimpses of that age. What is also clear is what they can't see, but he is keenly aware - the things that stand between our innocence and what becomes our life. At one point they are all standing together facing the passing train as it obscures an unseen look into the future - as firm and as resolute as they can be in their convictions and dreams. Then, as if to a cue, they all turn and return back to their positions in life - to live out what will become their lives. The protagonist (Seger) ever so slightly smiles as to tell them - you are gonna have a great life.  As the crossing guard arms raise and the train passes, there is nobody on the other side - it was only a self reflection. The haunting siren of Rick Vitto's sliding-Telecaster sounds the bitter-sweet that is our own memories.

If we only knew. What we would we tell ourselves? Would it make a difference?

Ride HARD!

Click here for "Like a Rock" - Thanks Bob!

Optimism; The beginning of a great year - albeit a slow start

 Welcome Back

Things have been a bit....delayed. The image above was taken on one of my last dirt rides in 2020 - the first week of November actually. A regular spot, this was a very early and cold Sunday morning, looking out over our little valley. This particular place is currently under nearly 100 inches of snow - and its the last week of April! Thus, the delay.....

Current Climate

Weather conditions aside, it has been one helluva year. Changes like I couldn't have imagined in my wildest dreams. I suppose one should truly be careful of which one may wish. Still, I remember three years ago and how uncomfortable everything seemed to be. Since then, I have learned how deadly being comfortable can be. To say my personal vistas have changed, really doesn't begin to draw a picture - but then it's not about me. The world, our world, is a different place. We may choose to lament the changes, or embrace the new opportunities. It's easy to write this, but I really hope I've the strength to do what what is needed. A test is sometimes hard, but sorting through the aftermath is how we choose to grow. We make our own choices as to accept a challenge and grow, or simply get comfortable and let our gifts wrought without the strain of challenge.

A commitment

I've kind of lost track, but I think this may be the 10th year riding for Huntsman. It was kind of a method I needed to find a purpose (a Porpoise) to continue riding. To say I didn't know what I was doing, would be accurate. I remember the night before the race that first year, I was busy putting my stuff together for the next day - almost ready for bed, when I felt "inspired" to write the name of my cousin on my jersey sleeve. She had been fighting the "big-C" (as John Wayne called it), but I hadn't any idea of her condition. She was something like eight years older than I, not to mention I hadn't any interaction with her in maybe thirty years. Still, that inspiration was real!. The next day was a struggle in a few places, but I distinctly remember looking at that name on my sleeve in a couple places, when I needed inspiration. My daughter (doing crew support that year), took a picture of my sleeve at the beginning of the race and at the finish line. She passed it on through social media, in hopes perhaps it would find its way to my cousin. That was a Saturday evening. Monday morning I received word that my dear cousin had lost her fight that very weekend. Nobody looks past those circumstances without inner-reflection - believe me, it sunk in. Since then, many things have happened. Go back and read some of my posts. Too many friends and relatives have lost this same fight. Enough so that I simply can't go on painting those pictures. Rather, I'm as committed as ever - I just need to find my own way.

Longing for the Struggle

The above image is of a road sign in Woodruff, Utah (taken in August a couple years back). That marks the return trip over Monte Cristo, back to Huntsville, having climbed it to get there. There is no doubt there is a ton of snow at this very location, at this moment. It is a grind, typically with a headwind fighting you most of the way back. As sadistic as it may otherwise sound, I miss this struggle. I'm always by myself and often have a rough time getting back to the top. I also think about key places on the LOTOJA racecourse with the some fondness. Knowing that I can prevail if only I choose to accept the suffering, gives me a sense of hope. Right...it sounds stupid, but it is a beast I know from past experience. The heat, the wind.....the downright suffering is worth it in the end. I do long for this struggle. It is of my own choice and making, but it is a cakewalk compared to what others have to deal with. After all, we are "beasts of burden" and are built to struggle. Lets make it a struggle of our own choosing and for the benefit of others - if we can.

SNOW!

That's my buddies bike at the Ant-Flat turn-off - taken just yesterday. That is still nine miles from Little Monte, which is likely under thirty-feet of snow at this very moment. Twelve mile from this point is the Monte Critso Camp Ground - likely under fifteen feet of snow (summer picture below). In short, we won't be going to Woodruff over this road unit July - if we're lucky.

Thanks for checking in. I hope you stick around for the season. We have a lot to discover!

Click here and.......hear. One for times: America!

Ride Hard!

A year of very few words, but a lot to recount

 Wrapping up

This year started with so much optimism. Like the view from Ben Lomond peak above, the vastness obscures the detail. The beginning post for this past year was a tribute to all my "mates". Over the course of this year, we lost a couple. Add to that a few parents and other close associates, it has been a good year to close-out. At LOTOJA, as has become my custom, I wrote the names of a couple key people that lost their own battles with the "big-C". I wrote of one in a particular post this past year, and paid tribute to all that we've otherwise lost. Just recently we lost another friend, but not to the dastardly "C". This one was a bit more ominous. Still, whenever we lose another brother or sister, it makes me stop and take a personal inventory.

Turning Pages

A lot changed this year. So much that I've personally struggled. I have realized that we often struggle with changes, as something we been accustom to for so long, kind of becomes our identity. Add to that our incessant need for validation and.....change can be kind of hard. That all said, we need change to force our own growth, as complacency makes us weak and lazy.  Perhaps thinking things through is a good idea, but still, we need challenges to develop us further. The thing I came to realize in all of this, is I simply don't know who I really am anymore. I mean, I've kind of let other people, other things, other.....stuff become my identity. I have become soft and complacent. When I stand outside of myself and examine that....person I have become, I can only imagine what my 15 year-old self would say. On that note, a few weeks ago I was given a picture from when I was fifteen. It was from a fast-pitch softball tournament, at the end of a long summer that comprised a ton of baseball and fast-pitch softball. All of the participants in the picture are still alive, exception being the coach (hence why I was given the picture in the first place). We were all "piss and vinegar", ready for the world. Life has a funny way of reminding us of some otherwise tender truths. Every once in a while, I do remember who I really am. Maybe I'm not that far from home after all.

Truth & Validation

We set our own course. We sail our own line. How many ways can you state it? We all make mistakes. Sometimes we even learn from our mistakes. If we're really good, we never stop learning. Sometimes we just want a little reassurance of our own course. A recent group text message from some of my brothers, pointed out how all of our parents were younger than any of us now, when we were in high-school. As kids we thought we knew so much more than our parents. Then we figured out we didn't know a fraction of what they did. Having lost both of my parents over the past few years, the emptiness that comes in knowing that we are the ones left to carry the mantel for our youth, is sometimes overwhelming. That said, truth is an absolute. It isn't a matter of perspective, or convenience. It will stand against all elements of wear and deterioration. We on the other hand.....perhaps some of us are wearing out, but for the most part, we're still stringin'em together, even if it is simply one day at a time.

To my brothers and sisters............

So...this one is in the books and tomorrow an entirely new year. Man, I can remember some seriously crazy new years eves, but that doesn't matter. What does matter is that I am truly grateful for those that made the early years tolerable, and the older years.....interesting. You all are great in all of your own ways. Here's to new and bright adventures.........

I started this year with the first track off "Let it be". Lets go out with the final track on that classic vinyl.....

"Get Back" - Thank's Mo...and I hope we pass the audition

"The Porpoise" 2022

Getting late - again

 Only a few weeks to go.......

As can always be expected, life seems to get in the way of proper training. This year has been pretty rough time wise, so adaptation is more critical than ever. The days of simply stacking miles and spending time on a bike are just not around anymore. Instead, rides have to be very specific, with key objectives and metrics. Raising money is another matter, but somehow, they both come together - kind of.....

Morning climbing rides seem to be harder and take longer than before. Both the bike and I are getting a little more worn, but still capable if we choose to continue. Its kind of weird in that things just don't seem quite the same. Every once in a while, something familiar comes along that brings it back. The other day I was driving out on 10th West in Logan, right where we roll out in the early neutral for LOTOJA. Just being there creates the feeling of what will be that morning. With that comes the realization that there is still 200 hard miles ahead of us - but what a feeling. At that moment, there is no other place I'd rather be.

Everyone Loves Sandy

It's hard to believe, but 44 years ago, about this time of year, I went with several friends to see "Grease" the movie, at the totally hot "Cinnadome-70" theater. They had the sound system for the soundtrack, which made it.............something to remember. The setting was Americana 1958-59, literally 20 years prior. At that time we'd thought it to have been nearly pre-historic. By today's standards.....maybe last week. Nobody a that time, knew the backstory of how it was made. I don't think anyone could have predicted how iconic it would become. Somehow, it fit right into our individual blocks of personal history. It was fun, and carefree - much of what our lives were at that time. Of course the people that played the key rolls were anything but high school kids. As such, so many of them are now gone, or have changed enough to not recognize them for their individual rolls. But then there was "Sandy", the protagonist, that fit the part so well. As the movie went along, the plot develops to where she develops into the person nobody would have foreseen. In the end, who didn't love the character? Years later, reading how different character rolls were offered to various others, makes you wonder "what if". Regardless, for many kids my age, "Sandy" will always be Olivia Newton John - at least in that character.

Everyone was so young! Nobody could ever imagine what old age, or their death may look like, but as it turns out......  "Sandy" fought may years with the Big-C. Earlier this month it finally took her from us - like so many before. But in August of 1978, you wouldn't image that to have been the pending fate. I mean, it just doesn't happen - right? But there it is - and it does happen. You don't think so? Look around. At this very moment, I know first hand, several people that are fighting the Big-C themselves, or are directly affected by the personal fight of a loved one. People my age, I work with, work around, or simply know. It is everywhere. Not everyone is "Sandy", but perhaps they are to someone else special. Some of them have better prognosis than others, but they all seem to have an optimism that is inspiring. I've lost count over the years, but I remember them all. Classmates, coworkers, friends, neighbors......the list goes on. Somehow, there were all a "Sandy" to someone.

Two weeks, a rest and finally the race (ride)

The next bench-mark will be the Cache Valley Century - 28 August. Always a good ride, but more importantly, a solid bench mark. It has become the place that I get to ride on the back of some good groups and fast riders. There have been years that it has been more difficult due to weather, but always a good indicator of how I stack up. Along with that will be a couple hard climbing and endurance rides. This time of the season, it is very important to avoid injury, or setbacks. Something as simple as a strain can cost me the entire season, and that would be frustrating.

The fundraising has been non-existent to this point, but we have a goal of going over the top in the next 10 days. The overall Huntsman "score" has never recovered from the pandemic, which seems to be the case for a lot of charity rides. Don't let that get in your way, as you know how important it is to fight.

A lot has changed, but much really hasn't. I love to ride, it is just not as easy, or as enjoyable. There are too many things that just aren't the same. We can't go back, but going forward we can still make a difference.

What do you think?

Click here and enjoy this memory; Hopelessly Devoted to You - "Sandy"

Ride HARD!

The Wilderness

The time in between....and now

A ride I've done off and on for several years is the local MS150. It has dwindled in participants over the years for various reasons. Used to be, I'd know a bunch of the people up there, but not any more. Arriving at the designated start time and then having to wait for registration, I started nearly 30 minutes behind most riders. Still, I just hopped on and took off looking for a wheel to hang onto. I rode nearly all day on my own, got one helluva sunburn, but had a pretty good time. It was all so unfamiliar, but at the same time.....I was really where I needed to be on that particular day. The number of people I came across that were riding with some form of MS made me take an inventory of what I have to deal with; nothing compared to that.

About this same time, I saw an obituary of a fellow class mate - a Lass if you will, that I've known since second grade. Truly one of the sweetest people you'd ever meet in your life. I had heard last fall that she was in the fight of her life, dealing with the Big-C. Turns out, she was taken far too soon. Second grade was my first year in a new school, that I was re-assigned to due to boundary changes. Aside from a kid that had moved into my neighborhood, I really didn't know anyone. The teacher was a wretch! I hated that school. Throw in a few things I probably had been dealing with elsewhere and it qualifies as a very bad experience. I recently found that class picture and noticed how many of those kids became good friends over the years. I also noticed another class mate that died a few years ago as as result of the Big-C.

The Wilderness

I suppose it is well known the concept of "wandering in the wilderness", but perhaps we all have our experiences that we can include in that category. In my case, well.....I'm just lost. I recently read the obituary of a guy I used to deliver newspapers to forty-seven years ago. This guy was a stud. A former college basketball player - larger than life. His name was unique and seemed to fit him well - as to why I remembered him so well - at least that image from 1975. Reading his obit, it described how he had advanced Alzheimer's and was confined to some type of assisted living center. I mean, this guy was a mountain of a man - and to have it end like this? A couple weeks ago, a kid that was a year younger than me also died of advanced Alzheimer's.  All the while, I've been trying to find it in me to resume some sort of training routine - after all, it's all abut me, right? Well it's not about me, or anything about me. It's about making the most of our time, being a positive influence and trying to live without regrets. But still, where am I and how do I find my way to wherever it is I'm going? Ugh.....the wilderness.

A few years ago I was having to travel a lot for my employer. A friend gave me a copy of Chris Carmichaels book on time limited training. It was based on quasi interval training, with specifics about recovery periods and that sort of thing. My methodology has always focused about stacking miles and suffering through long periods of endurance. Not that I have seen considerable returns on the investment, but I have managed to get through. This year.....well it's been a struggle. I've started to do nightly intervals, focusing on heartrate and total calories of work. It may be flawed, but it is what I have to work with. It is boring as hell, as I ride the same hills over and over again. Pushing myself harder each time, trying to achieve 1000 calories of work in 60 minutes. There is no fanfare, no cheering crowds, no finish line - just a lot of hard work. Sure there are minor setbacks, but the effort is easy to quantify and track. Every night I do this, I have solid measurables. Sure I'm in the wilderness, but I have a compass. Not that I really know where I'm going, but I'll die if I stay here.

Ride HARD!

In My LIfe