 |
| The dreaded snow-bike - somebody's bad idea. |
Putting things off too long
Here it is, literally the last minute.....again. I swore Id not let the yearend creep up on me, but who am I kidding. I'll never learn. So which is it, culture or behavior? Either way it is chronic. I could say that my fledgling little consulting business is consuming all of my time, but it is only a matter of priorities - or a simple lack of them. Success cannot not be left to simmer on the back burner, nor can life in general. I've said this too many times, but being comfortable will get you killed in this life and I think I'm getting too comfortable. So now I have ask the question; what is it really costing me? Do I really want to know? I hate the melancholy of the year end.
 |
| Early snow and a moon rising over Ben from S. Willard |
Running into Reed this evening
Clients have been keeping me hopping - a lot. I have had this past year on my mind a lot in the most recent few weeks. This was especially true of our brother and his fight. I had thought to send him a message, but it just didn't seem to lend itself to he practical, or sincere. Again, I'm just a procrastinator - them's the facts. So.....earlier this evening I was on my way home from a very long day meeting with clients and their "opportunities", when I decided to stop at the Winco in Layton - for whatever reason. I hate shopping and am usually in and out of those places very quickly. As I was pushing the stupid shopping cart, I was looking at what I had tossed in the basket, wondering why it was I needed to stop at all. And then, like out of nowhere - there was Reed pushing a shopping-cart himself. I would never had expected to see him in such a place, but there he was - the same kid from our youth. Still the brightness that I remembered, but yet had also somehow forgotten. We chatted for a minute, but as shallow as the context may have been.....it cut deep. As I stood there I suddenly felt terribly small and inadequate. Realizing how I failed and how I met the meaning of that phrase "chicken-shit". But then I like I always seem to do, looking back at it a short time later, I had to remind my shallow self that its not about me. But there I was sizing up my inadequacy against the strength of a man that is fighting a battle that is more than most of us will ever understand. I don't believe in absolute coincidence, but then why did that have to happen? The message to me was very simple; quit whining, stop pouting and for hell sakes....stop making excuses. In those few words from Reed; he is very grateful, but doesn't take anything for granted (although he didn't use those exact words - but that was his message to me). That is why he is truly larger than life and a truly inspirational person - if we choose to face the truth. So...excuses aside, its time to put down the frivolous and take-up the fight. MAKE IT COUNT!
 |
| How I miss that pain.....heading back over Monte from Woodruff. |
A couple past jersey sleeves
I have a ton of picts from years past. Some like the one above remind me of what suffering can feel like. Then there are the ones like those below that remind me of how insignificant my petty suffering actually is. Howard D. is my son-in-laws dad. He was fighting his own battle at that time, when his son was my support crew chief. He lost his fight only a few months later. The blue sleeve....well he lost his fight earlier that season. Since then we have lost too many others, Cynthia, Mark and of course sweet Laurie....and those are only a few. So here's the thing, it's time to put things in order and carry that load as if I really mean it at all. But then again, it's not about me. It is about those individuals being THE strength and inspiration. How can I be so ungrateful as to not walk upright and tall in their honor and memory. Afterall, it's not like I'm taking incoming fire or anything like that. I just wilt to the weakness of the flesh. Time to assess and take an inventory. Give it 30 days and then swing back around.
Thanks for putting me in my place Reed. Nothing is by coincidence........
One for the barn....
The Porpoise - 2024
