A not so pleasant trip back to the past

 

The calm of what was a bustling beach....

Distractions

A few good rides this week - out on the hardtail. It got pretty warm on a few of the days, but was still darn cool in the early mornings. One day in particular, I really didn't feel too frisky - rather I just wanted to do a little sight-seeing. Those days are frustrating as they seem to get away from you. Sure enough, I spent my day cutting across fields and parks - simply because I could. I mean after all, it is a cross country bike. I'm not exactly sure why I needed the distractions, I mean, I really haven't the time for that sort of thing at the moment. There are just some days when you need to slow down a take a look at your surroundings. And look around I did......

What your hear when nobody else is around.

A million Leadville videos

I noticed this year there are a ton of people posting their own experiences about racing Leadville. During Covid, it was like everyone and their dog was starting a new YOUTUBE channel, and a bunch of them were about cycling. Back then, everyone had "stimulus money" and were buying bikes left and right. That kept up through about 2022. As fast as it all started, it has now dried-up. On top of that, a bunch of the "influencers" have kind of started to go away as well. Sure, the big guys are still posting regularly, but I've noticed some of them are losing subscribers and regular views. Lets be honest, who cares about someone else's opinions on how to ride. There are some pretty good videos on specific technique and repair subjects, but you can only watch another guy's GOPRO video so long before your neck hurts. Everyone is a hero and they all have channels. It kind of makes me think about this stupid blog and why it even matters anymore. I'm not a pro rider, nor will I ever be an influencer, but by hell, I'm sure full of crap! And......well that's good enough for me. I won't be caught up in the incessant videos of my personal rides and experiences.

A voice from the past

Speaking of Covid, there was that day - June 4th, 2020 to be exact, that changed me like only  something as dark and sad as that day could. Hardly a time goes by that I don't roll past Liberty Park and remember that clear, bright and exceptionally quiet morning. A father, a brother and a daughter/sister....that was surreal. I will never forget how utterly helpless I felt, trying to make a difference when it couldn't have mattered more. I will never forget that lifeless tiny body and how with all of my might, she wasn't coming back. I'm so weak and incompetent. Helpless doesn't begin to describe that feeling. It has been years, but I used to occasionally swing into the Huntsville Cemetery while pedaling through the area. I have a handful of former associates and friends in that place. There is one headstone that has always been a particular sore spot for me, as it was my oldest daughters best friend. She died on her 14th birthday - unexpectedly. Her father had lost a very long and arduous battle with cancer this past spring, so I thought I would maybe stop by...because I could. I really couldn't bring myself to go to the viewing or funeral, as that is the same family from that day in 2020 -and those scars will not heal. I'm not sure why I didn't think about it, but on one side of my daughters best friend was her fathers headstone. On the other side was that of her cousin - June 4th, 2020. It got very quiet in my head for a moment. All I could think about was that morning and how inept I really am. There was a picture of this sweet but lost soul on the headstone that just made it seem even more recent. I will never understand why - it was a dark time for so many of us. The reality of it all was made every so clear to me again. I cannot even imagine what her father and brother must feel to this day. I will never stop saying "I'm sorry I couldn't do more."

Usually I link a reference track at the end of these things, but tonight.... This is what was written at the base of that headstone;

"As the clouds lighten from dark gray to off-white, the sun shines through, turning raindrops into prisms. and in this moment there is peace and there is harmony, and despite the wind that still blows and the rain that still falls like buckets, this trick of the light creates safety, it colors shimmering brightly in the pouring rain. and though I am cold and soaked, I know I am protected." 

- Charly Froerer

Never underestimate the worth of a soul.

Keep pulling for Reed!