Nothing like the last minute

 

The dreaded snow-bike - somebody's bad idea.

Putting things off too long

Here it is, literally the last minute.....again. I swore Id not let the yearend creep up on me, but who am I kidding. I'll never learn. So which is it, culture or behavior? Either way it is chronic. I could say that my fledgling little consulting business is consuming all of my time, but it is only a matter of priorities - or a simple lack of them. Success cannot not be left to simmer on the back burner, nor can life in general. I've said this too many times, but being comfortable will get you killed in this life and I think I'm getting too comfortable. So now I have ask the question; what is it really costing me? Do I really want to know? I hate the melancholy of the year end.

Early snow and a moon rising over Ben from S. Willard

Running into Reed this evening

Clients have been keeping me hopping - a lot. I have had this past year on my mind a lot in the most recent few weeks. This was especially true of our brother and his fight. I had thought to send him a message, but it just didn't seem to lend itself to he practical, or sincere. Again, I'm just a procrastinator - them's the facts. So.....earlier this evening I was on my way home from a very long day meeting with clients and their "opportunities", when I decided to stop at the Winco in Layton - for whatever reason. I hate shopping and am usually in and out of those places very quickly. As I was pushing the stupid shopping cart, I was looking at what I had tossed in the basket, wondering why it was I needed to stop at all. And then, like out of nowhere - there was Reed pushing a shopping-cart himself. I would never had expected to see him in such a place, but there he was - the same kid from our youth. Still the brightness that I remembered, but yet had also somehow forgotten. We chatted for a minute, but as shallow as the context may have been.....it cut deep. As I stood there I suddenly felt terribly small and inadequate. Realizing how I failed and how I met the meaning of that phrase "chicken-shit". But then I like I always seem to do, looking back at it a short time later, I had to remind my shallow self that its not about me. But there I was sizing up my inadequacy against the strength of a man that is fighting a battle that is more than most of us will ever understand. I don't believe in absolute coincidence, but then why did that have to happen? The message to me was very simple; quit whining, stop pouting and for hell sakes....stop making excuses. In those few words from Reed; he is very grateful, but doesn't take anything for granted (although he didn't use those exact words - but that was his message to me). That is why he is truly larger than life and a truly inspirational person - if we choose to face the truth. So...excuses aside, its time to put down the frivolous and take-up the fight. MAKE IT COUNT!

How I miss that pain.....heading back over Monte from Woodruff.

A couple past jersey sleeves

I have a ton of picts from years past. Some like the one above remind me of what suffering can feel like. Then there are the ones like those below that remind me of how insignificant my petty suffering actually is. Howard D. is my son-in-laws dad. He was fighting his own battle at that time, when his son was my support crew chief. He lost his fight only a few months later. The blue sleeve....well he lost his fight earlier that season. Since then we have lost too many others, Cynthia, Mark and of course sweet Laurie....and those are only a few. So here's the thing, it's time to put things in order and carry that load as if I really mean it at all. But then again, it's not about me. It is about those individuals being THE strength and inspiration. How can I be so ungrateful as to not walk upright and tall in their honor and memory. Afterall, it's not like I'm taking incoming fire or anything like that. I just wilt to the weakness of the flesh. Time to assess and take an inventory. Give it 30 days and then swing back around.

Thanks for putting me in my place Reed. Nothing is by coincidence........

One for the barn....

Click here for a little truth from Paul & Linda (and the boys)

The Porpoise - 2024

Looking for the offramp

When the smallest tree can make the longest shadow on the mountain....

Noticing

The other morning something caught my attention across the mountain, just off the side of the rock face. The conditions had to be exactly right for this to happen; sun very low on the horizon, enough snow to not cover the tree too much, perfectly clear blue sky (a ton of heavy smog/fog in the lower valley) and exactly the right time of the morning. The position of that particular tree atop the crest of a hill, allows its shadow to cast many times longer than the height of the tree itself, whereas the tree directly below can only cast its shadow just over that crest. This will only happen for a few days at most and the conditions have to be exactly right for it to happen - but that day it was very noticeable. That's one of those things in life that come along sparingly.... Catch them when you can. Be larger than your own self, when life permits.

 

In the brush heading up Mules Ear

Seems like a lifetime ago

So much has happened this past summer. Searching through the pictures of this past season, it just seems to have been in another lifetime. Frankly, it was a year worth forgetting. What started out as early optimism, eventually turned into one distraction after another. Stupid unfounded heart issues, followed by structural failures....the summer just got off to a bad footing. Trying to make it up on a short timeframe was not a winning strategy either. Frustration fraught with a bad attitude and that bad attitude really cost me in the end. There weren't nearly enough dirt rides up in the park and the rides on the hard tail was just stacking miles in the end - something I swore off a long time ago. Gone are those days where I would get on my road bike early in morning and disappear until later in the afternoon - spent and burned from a long day just stacking those miles. Perhaps this is what happens when....life happens. Priorities change and before you know it, life has passed you by.

So, what about this heart thing anyway?

Sometime about the middle of May, I started to have what felt like heart palpitations, followed by occasions of lite-headedness when I'd stand up. I keep track of these things and have a cuff and pulse-oximeter. They were telling me my heart rhythm was screwed up, so I decided to go to the clinic and have it checked out. Sure enough, they diagnosed it as atrial-fibrillation. Next stop was the hospital, at which point they hooked we up again and said it was happening while I was sitting there. Funny thing, I didn't feel any different than just normal - like.....lets go move a piano or something like that. What was very unusual, my heartrate was only fluctuating between between 65 - 75 BPM, where as A-fib usually is in the range of 200 BPM. I mean, I do have a naturally low resting heartrate like in the mid to high 40's, but that still didn't make much sense. A couple weeks later I'm in seeing an electro-physiologist, coincidently a hardcore cyclist himself. He prescribed a heart monitor for 30 days - which is such a serious hassle. Through all of that, not a single problem - none at all. He was still pretty skeptical, but told me to go ride and come back to see him a few weeks after the race. On that return visit, I told him that during the race I peaked my heartrate at 170 BPM, was anaerobic for something like 35 minutes and over 2 full hours in transition. When he heard that his eyes got really big and said, something like wow! I was certain he would want to perform an ablation, but he asked a few questions and we discussed training levels further before he told me to go home and stay after it. Call him if something changed, but otherwise nothing to see here. 

Basically, I think I was fighting a bug that caused the irregular heart rhythm, resulting in the fibrillation.  The electro-physiologist says that A-fib is common in amateur endurance athletes, as we tend to stress our hearts - a lot. Professional endurance athletes don't have this problem as they train for 30 hours a week in zones 2 & 3. Regardless, it is a thing to keep in mind and monitor, but I can't let it slow me down. For now, manage the diet and stay diligent. 

Time to wrap it up....

Another week or so, and we'll put this season in the can.....and to the bottom of the ocean. Training plans need to be set out and detailed. Next year has to be something more than ordinary. In fact, it needs to be extraordinary - nothing less. That will require planning, drive, sacrifice and diligence.  A little more on that in the next week or so. There are also a few loose ends to tie-up along the way....so maybe a couple more posts. Until then...rock it wherever life takes you.

Click here for "The Other Guy" - a twelve bar twist to a classic

Keep taking that pull for Reed.